Pan-Galactic Gargel Blaster (Earth Version)

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At 13:58 10-09-01 -0700, you wrote:
>Hello,
>We met at Milliways, and you said I could get your recipe for the PGGB if I wrote….

Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and all you want me to do is tell you how to mix drinks so that you can dull your already pathetic intelligence.

As if it isn’t hard enough for me have an intelligent conversation.

>Incidentally — is it okay if I share the recipe, if I give proper credit?

Certainly. Not that I’d expect you to. What, with you being a human and all.

· Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol’ Janx Spirit.

About a shot or two of Citroen vodka. Absolut or Gilbey’s is nice.

· Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V- Oh that Santraginean sea water. Oh those Santraginean fish!!!

Use about 90% of the volume of the vodka above of Seltzer Water. Do NOT use Tonic. It must be seltzer. Tastes crappy otherwise.

· Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzine is lost).

Buy about 20 pounds of Dry Ice. It runs about 60-80 cents a pound. Place a third in the bottom of a cooler. ON top of it, place ice cube trays filled with Bombay Sapphire Gin. Do not skimp on the gin. Cheap gin tastes lousy. Do it right or not at all. Cover the gin ice cubes with the remaining Dry Ice. Let sit a few hours. It SHOULD harden. If not, use more dry ice. If the dry ice makes contact with the gin, it freezes better. Make sure the cooler is tightly sealed. **

· Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.

Get an air compressor or just some compressed air cans. What looks cool is if you can attach a stainless steel straw with a few holes to an airbrush hose, in turn attached to the air compressor/canned air. You’ll need an air release valve to start and stop the flow.***

· Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle sweet and mystic.

You can buy float spoon at bar supply stores, or just bend one yourself. The goal here is to bend it so you get a half inch bump right next to the spoon ladle which will rest on the glass:

|
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| <-handle
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¯¯| <- bump
)¯¯
)
) <-poor ASSCI-art ladle
)
)

Or something like that. Get Hiram Walkers green Creme de Menthe. Add a few drops. Not too much.

· Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.

Find a tooth. Make a mold of it (try any hobby shop, they’ll have some stuff for resin molds - it’s not hard at all.) Now just super saturate sugar water, and let it dry in the new mold.****

· Sprinkle Zamphuor.

Cinnamon is tasty.*****

· Add an olive.

Duh.

· Drink … but … very carefully ...

Indeed.

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Life. Don’t talk to me about life.

~~Scott “Scix” Maddix
scixual.tumblr.com
~~Ask for 100% of what you want; be willing to hear “no”; negotiate for win-win~~

*Goodness! By the date on the e-mail this was ten years ago!
** Apparently you can get dry ice in pellets as well as blocks. Pellets or small chunks work best.
***A clever label on the air can makes it even better. I re-labeled all the ingredients.
****As a shortcut, they recommended a sliver of Alka-Seltzer. It also fizzes, which is fun, and if you don’t tell your friends what it is, it’s extra-hoopy.