So do you think we should go untie everybody?

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

I can’t spend my whole life sending everybody I care about to prison.
The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

I can’t spend my whole life sending everybody I care about to prison.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

My fondest hope

One day I hope to find or invent a thing that I really want. And keep wanting it. It can be a small thing — carving spoons from wood, blogging about how the Romans viewed insects, weird twitter poetry, film-making, anything, anything, anything I can want and do and keep wanting.

I have lost so many things that I once wanted — passionate as can be, start to get good at it, start to get some small following, or, god help me, income, and the carousel turns and bam. I don’t want it. I can’t.

And by the time the carousel returns to where I can start wanting again, I have to start over. And often not wanting anything for a month or a year or more has shriveled up what I had grown, or burned out the connections I had made. Salted the garden. So I fish around until I can find something else. And so far, I can always find something else, because when I was a kid I wanted to be a clown/writer/president/chemist/astronaut/rockstar, and so far I can keep finding new wants. Even though I know they’ll probably go away eventually. If I am very lucky I get about five years, tops. Sometimes three months.

I fear I’ll run out, lose the ability to start over one day, before I learn how to stop this GOD-DAMNED CAROUSEL.

Just a small thing. Growing pansies, maybe. Making a fine pizza. repairing watches. Something to keep wanting for a long time, to be good at. Something to find comfort and pride in.

The list of discards is so long, and heart-breaking.

Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Don’t start running, kid.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Mary, gag your grandma.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

I’ve survived worse than you.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

You know what I’m gonna get you next Christmas?

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for ten seconds?
The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for ten seconds?

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!
The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

I bought you the husky size, John.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

flying-goat:

Reblog this and I will do a creepy little kid portrait of you (I only will do this if you have some sort of tag of your face and your submit box is open) This will probably get no notes but whatever I’m bored.

I’m game!

(Source: officialradish, via nudityandnerdery)

Why don’t you just sleep with him and let us all off the hook?

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

Do you like it, Mary?

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart

What you’re wearing on your heads are called Lucia wreaths.

The Ref (1994) directed by Ted Demme, starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, Kevin Spacey and Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.; Music by David A. Stewart